Kadin-Part 1

“You think we should have a baby?” Pat and I had been married for 3 years and had started to look for a house when the baby discussion started. It was the next step in “adulthood” and before I knew it I was looking at a positive pregnancy test.

I had bought “What to Expect when You’re Expecting” and had almost finished reading it by the end of week 5. ..I was excited, nervous and worried about the weight gain. When I hit week 12 I was relived, I was over the “miscarriage zone” everything I had read so far said that if you are in good health, take your vitamins, don’t smoke, eat well and pass the first 12 weeks than you are guaranteed a baby….I had done all that so I was good….so I thought.

In my first trimester I lost 10 lbs, Kadin only liked fruit and a few select veggies. I hate orange juice but he loved it, I craved it and when I started to feel his movements all I had to do was drink orange juice and he would move for 10 minutes. I haven’t had orange juice since the day before I lost him, just looking at it makes my heart hurt. Anything healthy he liked so our first trimester behind us and a couple of pounds lighter we were moving along just fine.

I had a normal pregnancy and his due date would be on or about June 13th. We went to our first ultrasound and on the screen was this tiny little bean with a perfect heart beat, he measured right on target and we got a few pictures that we showed everyone. I felt him move at 13 weeks and he never stopped, I would lay with my hand on my belly and just feel him dance, we had long chats since Pat would be at work and I would tell him about the life and people who were waiting for him. I was happy, blissful, lost in my own bubble. Pat would later tell me that he had never seen me that happy, that content and he was right. I know that kind of happiness will never be mine again.

When week 18 came around I was excited for the ultrasound we would get to find out what my little pnut would be! It so happened that it was scheduled on my birthday. I drank my bottle of water and at 9:30 am on February 21, 2012 we found out we were having a boy. When the tech told us I looked over at Pat and he was smiling so big, tears of happiness shining in his eyes….he was getting his boy, his soccer buddy!

We told our families the news at my birthday dinner and I went into planning mode…a boy…I had a girls room already in my head but what colours do you do for a boy…aside from blue??? That was my worry….that I would have blue walls….I wish I could go back and not worry about that!!

A few days later I got a call from my Dr.’s office saying that I needed another scan because they did not have clear enough pictures of his face, I thought sweet I get to see him again! So back I went for another scan but this time Pat could not come with me, it was no big deal and I told him I would ask for more pictures. The morning of the scan I had some very faint spotting, had I not looked down I never would have seen it. I had read that a little spotting was normal so I was not worried. Off I went to my appointment.

 **Nothing good or happy happens after this point**

Part 2
Part 3
Part 4

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